Monday, August 04, 2014

What "I Do" Actually Looks Like

This is us about 2 months ago driving to our new home in Ohio.  2 in the morning, stupid tired and 17 hours of driving...this is what I said yes to.    


Today is our 9 year anniversary.

I just got back from a last minute and somewhat urgent doctors appointment,  I'm sitting here in my crazy cluttered house, still un-showered, super tired from waking up more than usual last night and typing this out while actually on hold with the insurance company to make sure our coverage does indeed start in August.  B is of course at work, I didn't see him before he left this morning--thankfully I slept through him getting ready--and he'll probably be home sometime after dinner and maybe after the baby goes to bed.  Also it's Monday.

This is the reality of today and our 9 year anniversary.  Glamorous isn't it?

For a few minutes I thought that I should try to find a pretty wedding photo and throw up a quick post about how amazing everything is, I can't believe it's been 9 years and I'd do it all again yada, yada, yada.  Then I said, screw it...lets talk about the truth.

The truth?  It is amazing and I would do it all again, but not for the same reasons I agreed to 9 years ago.

9 year ago we said I do and it's funny because I don't think I've ever agreed to so much with so little information up front.  When I said I do I had no idea I was also saying I do to Texas, Ohio, postpartum depression, fussy babies, limb differences, g-tubes, doctors appointment after doctors appointment, power chairs, broken sleep patterns, throw up, spit up, and poop.  I was saying I do to us and love and the excitement that had brought us to that point.  I didn't know I was also saying I do to anger, frustration, and weaknesses hidden so deep inside us both that only the challenges of marriage and children would be able to crack through our carefully constructed but ultimately defective facades exposing our inner demons and finally allowing them the oxygen they need to breathe and hopefully grow into the beautiful white stallions it's possible for them to be.  Weaknesses can do that you know.  (At least according to my friend Jack.)  

This is not AT ALL what I signed up for.  I signed up for the glossy magazine photos and yes I knew there would be tough times, but only a certain kind of tough I was positive I could handle.  You know like when models have to scream, but they still look pretty doing it?  Yeah, that's what I wanted a pretty kind of tough.

But this is better.  Not that I always feel that way, but it is.  It's a better life than I could have imagined, and it has come about in ways that I wouldn't have necessarily chosen.  It's better because what I used to want was stagnate, simple and shallow.  Love as I understood it then didn't have a lot of depth to it and it certainly didn't ask a lot of me.  I said 'I do' for selfish reasons (and I almost didn't say 'I do' for selfish reasons), but I'm so thankful I did because I know I'm a much better person for it.  And B, I think you are too.

And while I'm being honest, we've had some amazing, kick-a adventures that have left us giddy, joyful, excited and laughing until our necks fail.  Cuz that is the truth too.  It has been fun, we do laugh a lot and our family of 5 is off-the-charts amaze balls.

And while we're sorta in the middle of some rocky waters I can say this for sure:
B, I like us now, a thousand times more than I like us then.  And that's saying something.


Happy Anniversary B.
We're on a roller coaster that only goes up my friend.  

20 comments:

  1. Anonymous1:05 PM

    So lovely!
    Suzanne

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  2. Anonymous3:10 PM

    Migz, you are my writing hero! I need to start writing some thing every day, because this is just beautiful, and you are so good to write this on hold with insurance and under such stress. Anyways, E & I just celebrated 9 yrs. on the 30th! And by celebrated I mean barely remembered to say "Happy Anniversary!" I hope you get some answers soon and things become less urgent. Sincerely, Jillz ;)

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    1. Ha! Well I started it on the phone, but it took much longer to come out than I expected...just keepin' it real. Thanks and I hope things become less urgent too...

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  3. I love that--"I like us now, a thousand times more than I like us then." I feel that, too, but haven't ever put it into words. :)

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  4. Replies
    1. Glad you think so. I hope it still feels that way in another 20 years.

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  5. Anonymous10:15 PM

    We are celebrating our ninth anniversary on Saturday and I totally get what you mean about the craziness. We just had our fourth, and just today I looked at my husband and asked him, "What have we done?" But all the craziness and challenge gives so much more dimension to who we are now and the strength of our relationship. Beautiful post. Thank you.

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    1. RIght? Those challenges do create dimension...good way to put it. Good luck with #4!

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  6. Lucia L.1:19 PM

    Hi Miggy, I am a mom with limb difference and I have three little girls roughly the same ages as your three lovelies. I just wanted to let you know that there is no reason why L can't do everything she wants in life someday, including get married and have kids. Growing up watching a lot of TV and movies, I didn't think there was a person out there for me, but once I started college I had a lot of boyfriends. Sure, some of them couldn't handle the curious stares but most could, and my husband still tells me that I am the most beautiful woman he's ever seen. And yes, marriage is hard sometimes, and life is even harder, but things have a way of working out or passing by eventually. My 15th anniversary was in June. Anyway, if you ever have any questions for me about growing up with limb difference, just let me know and I would be happy to answer them.

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    1. Lucia--Thank you. What a beautiful comment and honestly something I needed to hear. Marriage and life are still hard, even with all my limbs if that's any consolation. :) I'm glad you found a man who isn't bothered by curious stares and who loves you for who you are. Maybe you'd like to participate in a spotlight sometime? I'd love to hear more from your perspective. Email me if you're interested at thislittlemiggy at gmail dot com.

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  7. Happy Anniversary

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  8. Right before I got married everyone, I swear everyone, told me that marriage "was hard!" So much in fact that it irritated me. I couldn't believe how often it was said and I thought they were raining on my parade. And then 1 year later, I got it, 4 years later I really really got the message, and then well, it's still ups and downs, but now I get it. Happy 9 years. We get there in a couple months too. :)

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    1. I know...it is a bit of a spoiler. And I will say marriage is harder for some people than others...I do think some people have a pretty breezy marriage--I know for me and my personality it will always take effort and work. And that's OK. Good is still good. Anyway, happy almost 9th. Now come move next door to us.

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  9. Where is the "Like" button :)

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  10. Anonymous10:51 AM

    Happy Anniversary!

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  11. Not to sound creepy (too late - that always comes off as creepy, doesn't it? ha), but I think yours is my favourite blog out there. You keep it real and don't try to pretend that your life is glossy magazine pages. And I really really appreciate that. Because my life with 2 babies and a medical resident husband is NOT glamour and glitz (just typing those words almost makes me laugh out loud). But it is beautiful nonetheless. And it seems like yours is a thing of beauty, too. Happy anniversary!

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