Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Pronounced: Uh-Shlaw-toe. Rhymes with gelato.
That is the name Lamp has come up with for the baby. Baby Ashlato. She's sort of a crazy baby name genius. Meanwhile the Mr. and I remain at a standstill when it comes to a real name.
While finding out that we're having another girl has definitely helped me to feel more bonded to this little one, I'm still surprised how little time I find that I have to devote to thinking, planning, and prepping for baby number 3. Third child syndrome begins I guess. Since we'll most likely be moving about 6 months after she's born I'm not really planning a nursery. And seeing how I just finished piecing a huge quilt for our bed, I'm not feeling up to making another quilt yet for this babe...although I really want to. I've made them for both the other girls. I have amassed a small pile of soft and cozy baby clothes--including the sweet, vintage number I couldn't resist pictured above--so there's that.
There is one thing I find myself working on more than my other pregnancies--positive thinking. With both girls I've had post partum depression. In one case I felt it more mildly but for a longer period of time (think months) and with the other one it was pretty short lived but came on much more strongly and intense. I think PPD looks and feels differently for everyone, for me it is not just a feeling of sadness and this is sorta hard, it's a completely all encompassing I CAN'T DO THIS feeling. Not just I don't want to do this, or I so tired, I feel as completely incapable of taking care of my baby as if I were in a full body cast. If you've never struggled with PPD or even some sort of depression it's very hard to describe. In fact, even when I look back it's hard to understand what I felt exactly and why I felt that way. Additionally, I do have thoughts and fears about something being 'wrong' with this baby. Now that we know there are no limb differences there is a part of me that worries about a new and different special need entering into our lives. I hate to admit that because if there's anything I try and tell parents it's a message of love and acceptance, not fear. And of course I know that no matter what, we will love this little one--no matter her weaknesses or strengths she is a part of our family and we love her.
I know that PPD takes more than just positive thinking--for me personally, I know that having people who are just willing to be there if I need them is huge. And while I also can't change my babies genetic make-up with positive thinking--if she has additional needs, she has additional needs--I can change myself with good thoughts and acceptance.
Anyone else want to talk about post partum depression? What's worked and hasn't worked for you? Do you find that you have certain triggers? Also, any other special needs moms who can also relate to fears (or even the reality) of having more than one child with special needs?