Monday, April 15, 2013

Heavy Heart



Although nothing bad has happened to my family personally, it's been a heavy day for me.

I've been keeping up on a friend whose son had to go back to the hospital for a post-op infection.  The original surgery being an open-heart surgery.  This is his second heart surgery in recent months.  He also had leg amputations earlier in the year as he was born with limb differences and well, sometimes with those differences amputation is inevitable.  He's about 18 months old.  We have prayed our hearts out for this little boy.  I've never met him, but I love him so much.

When picking up PSP from school today there was a boy who had apparently left the school grounds unattended.  Parents and teachers were running from the school in a quick search effort.  I don't know the details (Why was he alone?  How did he leave the school?  Did someone see him leave because they were concentrating on a certain side of the school...).  I ended up driving around the neighborhood for a few minutes to assist in the search--I have no idea where this situation currently rests.  **UPDATE** This boy was found safe and sound.  Whew.  

Later this evening on my instagram feed there was a plea for a missing 14 year old girl in Provo who was last seen walking to school early that morning.  Her parents didn't know she never got to school until after school had ended.  Follow her story here.  **UPDATE** This girl was also found safe and unharmed.

And of course in the midst of all of this, there was a terrible bombing at the Boston Marathon.  What?  Why?  This makes no sense.

My heart is heavy.

Most of you know I'm a faithful Latter Day Saint.  I attend church weekly, serve in my local congregation and study scriptures/talks as well as pray regularly.  I love God.  I believe in God.  I believe in His deep goodness and mercy.  I also believe in His commandments and laws.  Lately I find myself pondering His ability to place such deep, painful, and difficult circumstances on our frail, human shoulders.  Not that I think He's always the one placing these things--but still I believe there is an allowance on His part, and I wonder about that.  This ability to watch us suffer so very, very much and not step in.  Certainly I do believe He does step in, but not always.  And maybe even not often.  He lets us suffer, even the smallest and most innocent of us all.  This allowance is sometimes hard to comprehend.  I have no desire to make this some sort of teaching moment where we all walk away feeling better about the whole thing, but I will say this:  This allowance to suffer tells me there is good that can come from it.  The whole of our existence is not on this Earth and for that alone I feel there is great redemption.  Finally, we are not the only ones who suffer, or the only ones He let suffer.  I believe God weeps for our pain.  I also believe that He let his son suffer so greatly and completely--for us--which I don't fully comprehend, but it is very meaningful to me.  


That being said, my heart still aches and always will for the evils and ills of this human experience.    



*photo

5 comments:

  1. I'm not religious and don't have your faith, but I agree that there is just so much suffering and grief out there. I don't know if it is necessarily meant to teach us anything or not.

    But I too feel a heavy heart about all that is wrong with the world at the moment.

    I think it is particularly painful to know that children suffer and that we as adults and parents cannot shield them from tragedy, grief, and pain.

    Reading about your friend's baby's legs makes me extra sad.

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  2. I have to tell myself that if such great pain did not exist, I would have no need for a Savior. I would spend all my time fixing and none of my time acknowledging my complete inability to change all that plagues the world. I wouldn't turn to Him for comfort, or guidance, or healing.

    Still, I long for the day that "God shall wipe all tears away".

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  3. Anonymous12:25 PM

    So many sad things. Glad they found Charice safe!

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  4. Anonymous10:49 AM

    Your post really resonated with me, as I just found out a few days ago that my sweet daughter has been sexually abused over the last 4-5 years by a once-trusted neighbor. I can't shut my brain off since I found out--can't sleep, can't eat, trying so hard to keep myself together so I can keep my family safe and whole, and help my daughter on the road to healing.

    Yesterday, we met with social workers and detectives to discuss her case. As we drove home, our path brought us past the construction site of the Provo Tabernacle, which was nearly destroyed in a fire a while back. It was once a beautiful building, but the fire left it decimated. It could have been left as a ruin, or completely destroyed, but instead some very dedicated and talented experts are restoring it.....not to it's former glory, but to an even more glorious state. It will be a beautiful temple, with better foundations and inner-workings to hopefully prevent such a tragedy from occuring in the future. It struck me that my daughter has been through a destructive fire, and so has my whole family for that matter. We could just leave the ruins to crumble and decay, but instead we are choosing to restore ourselves. And we won't just be our same old beautiful selves when we get through this long process. We will, in fact, be more amazing, strong, and beautiful than before.

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