Thursday, January 20, 2011

The Biggest Lie I Ever Told


I would just like to say that this story is strictly from my point of view and memory, therefore some details may be inaccurate, but I think I got the overall picture right.  Marissa, if you have anything you'd like to add, please do.  And while I'm not exactly proud of myself for this web of deception, it's not exactly the worst thing either, but I think we can all agree it was a pretty dumb thing to do for several reasons.   It is however,  a good story.   And while you'll see that the lie eventually came to light, I don't think I've ever divulged all the details....so mom, I hope you enjoy.  :)    
Lastly, my daughters are not allowed to read this until they turn 18.    


When I was about 17 years old I was hanging out at my friend Marissa's house.  Nothing unusual there, we hung out a lot.  It was spring break we had the week off of school.  Not only that, but Marissa's older sister who was in college also had the week off and was home visiting.  Their parents were out of town however, which meant that Marissa and her sister had already thrown one good party at their house.  Good times.  At some point in the week I remember Marissa's sister coming into her room and saying, Missa...our friends who drove us out here for spring break ditched us.  We don't have a ride back to school.  You have to drive us back.  "Us" being Marissa's sister and her two friends.  At some point it was decided that yes, Marissa would have to drive her sister back to college without their parents knowledge and that Marissa needed someone to go with her.  Clearly I was the natural choice for a cross country college road trip without parental consent.  I was on board!  Now here's the thing. We lived in Denver.  Marissa's sister went to school in Kansas.  Kansas boarders Colorado....but we were going to the other side of Kansas.  That's a 9 hour drive:


shoot, that's just a hop, skip and a jump away...


We would drive out the next day, spend the weekend at college with her sister and her friends, then drive home.  We were 17, so of course this whole situation seemed like a great idea.  The only hitch is that I knew my parents wouldn't go for it.  The ol'-stick-in-the-muds.  I mean Marissa's sister HAD to get back to college.  This was serious and important and totally our responsibility.  Obviously.  And I knew I wasn't going to do anything bad--like drinking--so why worry them with the details?  We came up with a great plan.  I would ask my parents if I could go to a cabin in the mountains with Marissa's family for the weekend.  They would of course say yes and no one would be the wiser.  Done and done.   I called my mom while Marissa and her sister watched on.

Hey Mom, so Marissa's family invited me to spend the weekend with them in the mountains, can I go?  OK, great.  See you later.  Oh...an address?  Hold on a sec....uhhhhh it's 45 Pine Cone Lane, Dylan Colorado.  Ok so....a phone number?  Hold on....(remember kids this is before cell phones)...ummm so they don't have a phone there.  I guess it's a really, really old cabin...and there's no phone line.  I know, really strange.  Buuuuuuut, there's a gas station...down the road...and I'll call you every day to check in.  Ok.  Perfect.  See you later....I will.  Bye.  

And there it was.  The biggest lie I ever told.  I had just told my mom I would be in a cabin that doesn't exist a mere 2 hours away, when I was actually going to be in an entirely different state and in fact a state I had never even been in before.  Two states actually, since Lawrence, Kansas borders Missouri and we were also in Missouri that weekend.  To be honest, lying to my parents in high school was not a foreign experience.  I knew I wasn't going to do bad things like drink or smoke, but I didn't want to have to explain myself a lot of times so I often told them I was hanging out at someone's house, when in fact I was going to a party.  So although I was seasoned in the ways of parental deception this one felt different.  I actually felt...bad.   Maybe a little guilty.  What if something happened to us?  What if we really got in trouble?  But with Marissa and her sister grateful for my help, we forged ahead.  

So the details are a little fuzzy--I'm not sure if we left that day, or the next day.  I'm not sure if I went home and got some stuff first, or just used Marissa's clothes, but here's what I do remember... I rememeber getting in the car with Marissa, her sister and her 2 friends.  There were 5 of us total, a full house.  And as we're driving out of Denver, we're recounting the story of how I lied to my parents so we could drive them back to school and one of the friends, who happens to be riding shot gun pops open a can of beer, takes a swig and says, Wow...I can't believe you lied to your mom like that.  That's crazy!  Glug,glug,glug,glug... 

Perfect.  So we drove.  And somewhere in the vastness of Kansas we got a flat tire.  At this point the other friend--who had not been drinking--had been driving for some time on this flat tire thinking that there was something wrong with the steering wheel.  The tire wasn't just flat, it was shredded.  And just like in the movies a truck driver, pulled over and came to our rescue.  (I would just like to point out for the record that as a high school student I had already changed 2 flat tires by myself, so we weren't totally helpless damsels in distress...it just happened to be frigid outside and we were in shorts.)  Anywho, the truck driver changed our tire and we were off...at a nice breezy 45 mile per hour pace on the spare tire until we finally found a repair shop in the-middle-of-nowhere Kansas.  At the shop I remember about 5 boys with a median age of 15, standing there looking at not just the shredded tire but the dented and damaged rim and one of them asking us in a sort of a small town hick drawl How long did you drive on this tire?  There really wasn't a good answer.  But once they hammered the rim back into place, they fixed the tire for us ignorant city folk and eventually we made it to KU located in Lawrence, Kansas.  

We made it up to the dorm room, I called my mom (more lying!) and went to bed.  The next night we decided to go out.  Yay!  To a bar!  Super!  My youth leaders would be so proud.  After securing fake ID's we were off.  When we got to the bar I'm pretty sure I was the only person in the room who ordered a water.  I just kept thinking I'm supposed to be in a cabin in Colorado, and I'm in a bar in Kansas.  Wow.  Fortunately going to the bar was the extent of our college partying and the rest of the weekend was pretty tame.  The only other hitch we encountered that weekend was a parking ticket.  No biggie.  

At the end of the weekend Marissa and I drove home--had some good talks and listened to some good music for sure, although I have no idea what we talked about those 9 hours.  I came home and breathed a huge sigh of relief that we had made it safely to and from Kansas and that our parents were none the wiser.  Or so I thought... Marissa's parents would come to learn of our little road trip from the "no biggie" parking ticket.  Even though her sister paid the ticket promptly, a receipt was sent to their home and the truth came tumbling out.  But they didn't tell my parents...I'm guessing they didn't even know I was there...so I was still safe.  

One day, several months later in the summer I was leaving to go to a friends house.  I was pulling out of the driveway as my mom was pulling in.  I said, Hey mom, I'm just going to so and so's house...see you later.  

She smiled and said, You sure you're not going to KANSAS?  

Busted.  

I just laughed and she laughed and I was like.....Uhhhh, why would I go to Kansas mom?  

Quit lying!, She Said, I know all about it.  

Then I drove off and that was that.  It would be years before I would find out how my ninja mother knew of our little trip.  I would grill her about her sources, but she refused to budge... obviously proud of her parental prowess.  Then one day she finally said, Maybe you shouldn't have left your yearbook out.  

The End.


    

11 comments:

  1. Hahahaha!!! Just made me laugh out loud.

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  2. HAHA. I think my parents would have KILLED me if I did something like that.

    Teenagers and the crazy things they do. I am NOT looking forward to my kids being teens!

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  3. Loved your story. I read it while my mom was reading something else to me simultaneously (she tends to do that when she hasn't seen me for awhile.) Your story was much more entertaining!
    When I was in high school my friends and I drove 5 hours to LA and back. The 'rents thought I was at friends house. I was busted when a picture of me at the beach surfaced and my forked-tongue and quick mind didn't sync when trying to wiggle out of it.
    My dad told me years later that he was slightly impressed with my wanderlust and ability to be fearless. I think I was just being a stupid teenager but took the compliment gladly.

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  4. This is the best lie ever. I also love that your mom knew about the little trip but she was so cool about it when she told you she knew. You have a cool mom.

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  5. awesome. you were so brave. I should link my mom to this to prove to her how good I was. ha ha. I actually wished I would have been a little more daring as a teenager.

    so funny. ninja mom.

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  6. woo hoo for sneaky moms :) i once showed my mom pictures of "someone's aunt's house where we were staying" failing to notice the motel's plastic framed emergency exit plan on the door in the back of the picture. teenagers are so smart ;)

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  7. You bad girl! This reminds me of a big, complicated lie I told my parents when I was 14, but on a much smaller scale because it only involved going to homecoming, and not... well... what you did. Haha, awesome.

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  8. I'm glad you could laugh with me...and hopefully no one thinks any less of me now that I've shared my checkered past.

    Michelle--yes I think you said it well...teenagers are so smart.

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  9. LOL! I never knew this! I did something similar with my friend Sally our sophomore year. But we drove to Montrose one afternoon at about 4, and I had to be back for Driver's Ed the next morning at 9. My parents would have killed me. We did manage to hit a lot of parties at Marissa's.......

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  10. Very entertaining!

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  11. OMG Miggs!! I haven't checked in in a while, and shocked to find myself mentioned on your blog! I feel like a celeb. First things first, I never knew that that was how your mom found out!! Ugh, totally my fault. I bet she read my yearbook message. Second, why in heck didn't my parents tell your parents?!?!? that is crazy! Third, I only remember my sis and Erika Seifker, who was fifth passenger?? and for the record, I am quite certain that no one was drinking in the car!! That would be serious insanity. I do think you got that part wrong. Not even us morally-corrupt-doomed-to-spend-all-eternity-in-outer-darkness Jews would travel in a car with and open container of alcohol!!

    I did love reliving that weekend, one of my favorites. And the fact that this is probably the worst thing you ever did is so cute. I love it! So glad it was basically 99% my doing. Sorry for that :-0

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