Tuesday, January 18, 2011

The Baby Shoes



I took the above photo this weekend and it's rather significant to me.  

Some of you may remember those shoes from this post last year.  Here's a quick recap:  

When I was pregnant with Lamp I was sure we were having a boy.  About a week before our 20 week ultrasound I totally flip-flopped and suddenly felt sure we were having another girl.  I was pretty excited.  I actually wanted another girl.  But of course I didn't really know.  Then about 2 days before the ultrasound I saw these beautiful vintage baby Mary Jane's and in a snap decision I bought them.  I sorta surprised myself because I was taking a gamble not just with the shoes, but with my emotions.  By purchasing the shoes I was cementing in my mind and heart that I really did hope for another girl.  

Later it would seem like the irony of all ironies that our baby--boy or girl--might not even have normal feet with which to wear these shoes...any shoes.  I had never even considered the possibility.  And when she was born and we first saw this little angel, it seemed like normal shoes were out of the question.  So the Mary Jane's became a somewhat bittersweet reminder of that whole experience.  Yes we were having a girl, but she would also have some unique physical difficulties you never would have imagined.  

Well Lamp's been wearing a brace at night for quite some time on her right foot to help reposition it in a more functional position.  It's by no means completely repositioned.  She will have to wear a brace for years, and possibly forever.  But.. she can wear the shoes.  The shoes I bought in hopes of another sweet baby girl.  The shoes I thought would never fit.  Maybe I'm making something out of nothing, but those shoes that once hit a tender nerve and seemed to represent an unthinkable scenario now represent hope and possibility.  The shoes remind me that she's going to do a lot more than we once thought possible.  

I'm really glad I bought those shoes.    


17 comments:

  1. Linda P.10:14 AM

    " . . . those shoes that once hit a tender nerve and seemed to represent an unthinkable scenario now represent hope and possibility. The shoes remind me that she's going to do a lot more than we once thought possible."

    Beautifully said, Miggy! When my now a young adult special needs son was a baby, we were told that he might never walk. Well, he does! And runs! He certainly does still have other issues, but oh the wonderful surprises and blessings of what the Lord HAS allowed him to do!

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  2. How beautiful. We don't know each other, but I am so blessed by your honesty and by your ability to express the love you have for your children. Thank you for sharing your heart with even strangers like myself.

    ... and I love those shoes :)

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  3. Oh, I love Mary Jane's! My favorite pair of shoes are my Dansko red Mary Janes. I'm so glad for you that Lamp gets to enjoy her pair, too.

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  4. Oh sweet little Lamp and her cute shoes!

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  5. Totally darling. Lamp rocks those shoes. I love this story.

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  6. Soooo sweet and I'm so glad she can wear them! Those are precious shoes for a precious little lady!

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  7. officially crying here is SC:) Well done, friend:)

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  8. You're not making something out of nothing!!! I think it's wonderful she can wear the shoes you picked out for her before she was even born. The picture is absolutely precious and I'm so happy for you. She is a darling little girl. Little things like this are important to mothers, most of us understand.

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  9. I remember that original post about the shoes and share your joy in this moment.


    Having lost three babies and with all the complications we have had with this pregnancy, I know what those 'gambles' feel like. It's hard to give into letting yourself experience the simple joys of a pregnancy (like buying those shoes) when you want to protect yourself from the possibility of another loss.

    I am glad you got your happy ending. Love this post!

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  10. she is beautiful and i just spent an hour reading all about your experience- wow. i am touched and inspired! thanks for the email, seriously.

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  11. Anonymous12:02 AM

    Dear Miggy,

    "Mary Janes".... I think they are universal, and that every Mother has some sweet memory attached to a pair of "Mary Janes". I so remember seeing the smart new purchase of these little shoes on your blog, and feeling ever so hopeful for you and your little family.... I was thrilled and excited too! (Of course all Grandmothers are!) And then, I too remember the bitter sting of tears that tumbled down my cheeks like acid rain... those little shoes seemed to represent lost dreams and snuffed out hopes. But with time and the sweet peace that only the Lord can bring, we began to feel positive and embraced the knowledge that Lamp would be wonderful, and come with her own special gifts. And when she was born, and we held her, all things seemed possible. And now to actually see her little feet in those little Mary Janes, well the "choir is definitely singing"! And that little dress, with the scalloped edges... darling! We love you Lamp! And you are a treasure to all of us!

    There are other fond memories of a beautiful pair of new, Italian red leather Mary Janes (with lime green leather lining) that my not-so-little girl purchased and wore in New York City. And then it began to rain, and when the rain persisted, she promptly took them off and ran barefoot all the way back to the hotel to protect their newness! I can only imagine her hopping on and off of all manner of public transportation, shoes tucked neatly under her arm as she made her way through the city. She didn't know then that the same city, would be her future home! Oh, Mary Janes, and ALL of their memories.... so glad there will be more Mary Jane memories. All is right.

    All my love,
    G.G.

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  12. tearing up as I read this... I need your words in so many ways. Thank you!

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  13. Anonymous11:04 AM

    Beautiful shoes and beautiful feet to fill them!
    Love,
    Jill

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  14. A picture is worth a thousand words. Those shoes are the raddest and so is that little lampy!

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  15. Anonymous2:13 PM

    Your words are poetry.
    Beautiful
    Soul moving

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  16. i love baby shoes,,,,,,,,,,,,,
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