Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Yesterday


Yesterday was a bad mommy day. I knew it pretty early on. A morning meltdown from Beanie I didn't quite understand the origins of and a bad response on my part told me to brace myself for the rest of the day. Sensing that it could be one of those days I decided early on to just take it easy. Which basically means: let her watch lots of TV.

Also, I wore fake eyelashes.

I'm not sure if I was bored or if I was trying to feel exotic and exciting in my dreary mommy day. It kinda helped. So after the morning frustration I was holding it together pretty well. Then the last 15 minutes before dad got home I lost it. Beanie was going crazy, I was going crazy and it wasn't good. I may have thrown a sippy cup of milk at the wall. I called the Mr. to inform him that as soon as he gets home I. am. outta. here. {Now this is just a side note because this story is really about mommy stuff, but earlier in the week C. Jane wrote a post about something similar and why she advocates marriage... well my story, gratefully, was much the same. My wonderfully patient and understanding husband came in and told me to go. He took care of Beanie and bedtime and dinner and even cleaned up the kitchen. He didn't ask me where I was going or what I was doing, he just let me GO. For all the day-dreamy stuff I wanted in a husband I'm so glad that I have an unselfish one willing to walk in the door from his own long day and take over a crazy toddler at a moments notice...and it's not like the man doesn't wrestle enough crazy toddlers in the day as a pediatric dentist. If there are any Beehives out there reading this, you might want to put this on your "what I want in a husband" list it may not be the most obvious answer, but trust me on this one.}

So I left. I went to the mall. I let out a really good throaty scream in the car on the way there. Ah, free therapy. Also, I couldn't find anyplace to get a massage so it was the next best thing. At the mall I went to Bare Essentials. You know, that mineral make up place. Besides a good massage getting my make up {or hair} done is about the most relaxing thing I know. And I've really wanted to try this stuff for a while. Win-win. So I sit down in the chair and the make up girl asks me if I'm wearing any make up. I say something about some powder and concealer from earlier...but that's it. Then we sorta look at each other with what I like to think was a mutual understanding that, OK. So we both know I'm wearing fake eyelashes because... uh they're FAKE and OBVIOUS, but I'm not discussing it so lets just put some minerals on my face huh? and we get started. It was relaxing. I felt better and my skin looked radiant. Glowy. {Honestly, I think when my make up runs out, I'm going to get me some Bare Essentials--good stuff}. It was a good place to start because the rest of my mall time was spent with a glowy, dewy face and wicked hot false eye lashes. Long story short {too late} I chilled out. I got the time to myself I so badly needed and a step away from Mommyland {where the whining never ends and there are messes around every corner!}

So I was able to chill and relax, but I still felt guilty. Guilty and confused.... or guilty and helpless? How is it possible to do this mom gig without scarring your children permanently? Is it possible? As much as I try not to yell or not to show my frustration it happens and I just really want to know, is it possible never to lose it? My daughter is a toddler and her main forms of communication are YELLING and TANTRUMS. {Not all the time, but it happens daily.} I was explaining to B one day that it's very difficult to always maintain your composure when the person you're dealing with all day tends to YELL and SCREAM a lot. {Oh and please spare me the "well where does she learn it" crap, because while I have yelled before, it's still pretty rare. This kid came out knowing how to yell/scream/tantrum.} It would be like having a boss who yelled at you all the time--could you really never yell back? It's really hard to take screaming and yelling without succumbing once in a while.

So I just want to know... any perfect moms out there? Were you raised by an angel mom? Secrets? Drugs? What....



15 comments:

  1. don't worry about beanie, she'll always be growing through some stage. just know you are a rad mom. rad moms aren't perfect, but they do know when to put on fake eyelashes.

    also, thank goodness for a rad husband.

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  2. I've got no advice, but I must say this is my favorite post that you've ever done. I'm picking my own battles over here with Michael. He is very active, and aggressive. He hits and bites constantly. We spend half of his awake time in timeout.

    I'm cracking up about the fake eyelashes. I'd like to see a pic.

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  3. A quick confession: I threw shoes at my 3-year-old the other day because he was "giving up" because it was "too hard". I lost it. I've been known to spank, too, and I have always been against spanking. Bad Mum I feel almost weekly. Hang in there.

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  4. Even though you had a terrible day, I really liked reading this post. I feel like kids or no kids, we've all been at our wits end like that and your honesty was refreshing. (Especially the screaming in the car. TOTALLY been there.)

    Forget perfection. Your love for Beanie is so obvious and that's all that matters.

    And oh yes, you should buy Bare Minerals, it is awesome.

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  5. I second what Kate said. any girl with a mom like you could easily look past a "crazy-mom" moment! Plus I've learned something else that helps ease the guilt of losing my temper -I remind my kids (I'm sure they've had enough reminding) that moms make mistakes too and let them know I'm sorry- I'd expect the same from them. bad example followed by a good example I guess! ha ha :)

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  6. Sorry but I just laughed out loud. I am so glad I am not the only one that has thrown milk against the wall. Whew. I have MAJOR pregnant hormones plus a crazy toddler who runs down the street in under 5 seconds so I feel you! Im so scared about having two! Remember when she is out of this stage we will have another one going trough it! Nice thought huh. I loved your post. It made me smile. I do bare minerals too. Love it. Or bare essentials...whatever its called!

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  7. I had a daughter from Hades---and she didn't stop until she was 14!!

    I think that no matter how we remain cool and calm---we still screw up our kids someway. But it does make you feel better when they tell you later (when they are grown) that you are what made their world seem right and that you still are the most important person to them!!

    Hang in there....

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  8. I made a goal to stop yelling at Eli by the time Audrie was born - HAHAHAHA! I yell even more with two. Honestly, I think this is an area that the Atonement covers. How can it not? I try every single day to be nice to my kids, but I'm not perfect and God knows that. So, I just try and say sorry to my kids and repent to God and forgive myself and try again to be just a tiny bit better the next day. Some days I surprise myself with how nice and checked in I am, and sometimes I'm surprised at how cruel I can be to the 2 people I birthed. I mean I love them. Why am I so mean to them and scream at them?!?! (oh crap, now I'm crying. thanks.)

    The point - we're normal, right? We have tempers. We don't have instructions. These little people have tempers. And these little people were sent to you and me for a reason. We're good moms most of the time, but we make mistakes.

    I think what you did was perfect. Mommies need pampering. And so do babies. Let's pamper these babies and call it good.

    Did this make any sense? I should be asleep.

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  9. Thank you all for sharing. I was really worried that I shared a little too much and that people would be like "you need anger management counseling" but I also felt that a certain amount of honesty was needed so that we could openly discuss these issues as moms without feeling inordinate amounts of shame. We should feel bad when we've done something wrong with our kids, but not helpless--which is how I was feeling. So thank you.

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  10. So I'm not to the toddler stage yet, but I have had my fair share of bad Mum days (which are exacerbated by pretending I know what I'm talking about when it comes to dealing with other people's kids)...anyway, my favorite book is 1,2,3 Magic. I think it really helps kids chill out. But maybe I should just start telling parents to hook up some fake eyelashes.

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  11. i was raised by an angel mother. i don't recall any yelling or frustrations from her. thinking about that makes me feel worse about my weak attempts to be a good and patient mother. i asked my mom about it one day and she said that i must have blocked out the bad stuff with memories of the good stuff. i hope my kids are able to block out the bad stuff too if i have provided enough good stuff. i am sure beanie will only remember the good stuff too. like fake eyelashes.
    ps-and i remember wearing fake eyelashes(big dolly parton ones) to school one day in high school. i was miserable and they made me feel so much better. perhaps they are the secret to happiness?

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  12. oh boy, this post is so timely for me. thanks for being frank, migs. glad to know i am not alone in acting like a 5 year-old sometimes! now i need to get some fake eyelashes to have on hand for the next hard day. :)

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  13. I've so been there. What a relief to know I'm not alone! This was healing to read- thank you!

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  14. I totally had that day today. Totally. My awesome mommy thoughts were, "On this train, would anyone notice if I hit my child?"

    You're so normal. Trust me.

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  15. This post was the most comforting thing I have ever heard another mother say. By far.
    Seriously, I can't figure out how I can love this job so much and be so bad at it. And how I should just go back to work and let my little guy be ruined by someone else.
    And thank goodness for amazing husbands who come to the rescue, then spend the remainder of the evening convincing us that we are doing a great job...

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