Monday, January 19, 2009

You won't want to eat over after this...


As I was preparing my lunch yesterday I started to cook some rice.  It had weevils in it.  Slightly gross, but no biggie...I just picked them out.  As I was picking out the weevils I wondered to myself what if I was preparing this rice for friends or family...would I still serve it?  Then I remember...I've done worse.  Oh I've done so much worse!

Flashback...

Circa 2001 I was working at what some consider to be Provo's finest restaurant.  {Yes I've worked at a few restaurants but no I'm not saying which restaurant this was.}  Out of all the restaurants I've worked at this one takes the cake for the craziest management.  To make it short--they weren't very good at it.  At managing and running a restaurant.  At being good bosses and owners.  At being normal people.  They just weren't good at any of it.  People often got fired for simple human error.  If you dropped a glass--fired.  If they didn't like you that day--fired.  

SO I was catering a business lunch that day--at some random office building in some random cafeteria.  Earlier that day I watched the chef delicately stack individual pieces of macadamia nut encrusted halibut into a metal chafing dish, pepper steak in another chafing dish, along with rice and few other sides.  The dishes were then placed in a portable and insulated food carrier for proper transport.  Upon arrival we simply had to set up the buffet, watch and help with anything we could, then clean up and come home.  Simple.  The buffet was pretty much set up, we just had to get the food out and on the table and voila...it would be done.  But no... t'was not so easy that day.  As I was opening the food carrier, the macadamia net encrusted halibut slid forward and before I could catch it, onto the floor face down.  The horror...the HORROR!  The entire pan of fish was face down on the floor with butter caper sauce running everywhere.  Luckily... LUCK-I-LY the chef had placed saran wrap over the fish that morning, so no actual fish was touching the floor {I think}.  I hurried and picked it up as quickly as possible.  There was one other server with me--and we were both freaking out but also busting our butts to get this cleaned up asap.  Also LUCK-I-LY no one was there yet--it was just us alone in the conference room and no one saw us spill their lunch on the floor.  My co worker quickly scrambled for paper towels to clean up the sauce and since it was so buttery we actually had to place one of the cafeteria mats over the spill so as not to arouse suspicion.  Finally, we got it all together...the fish was on the table much less presentable but it was there {I smirked thinking about how gingerly the chef had placed each delicate piece of fish in the pan}, the butter sauce was cleaned up and covered, our nerves were calmed and we were good to go....or so I thought.  I went to grab the rice.... and in an almost exact replica of 5 minutes earlier, I once again watched in horror HOR.ROR. as the rice also went tumbling to the floor.  This time there was no saran wrap on top.  NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! 
 
At this point my co-worker {I don't remember who it was, but I know I was supposed to be the senior server at this gig} looked at me like I imagine Stephen Hawking might look at Paris Hilton.  Like, I have never seen such impressive stupidity in my life. Is there anyone in the world who has benefited from your existence?  I guarantee that's exactly what he was thinking--he was utterly speechless, but his face said it all.  Once again we scramble.  Nevermind that we were lucky enough not to have someone walk in on us the first time, nevermind that we were still sliding on the floor from spilled butter sauce, we just had to scoop up the rice that we think didn't touch the floor and get it back in the pan as quickly as possible.  Of course we threw a lot away, but we had to salvage what we could.  Somehow we made it.  Somehow all the food made it to the table and no one saw the whole 2-pans-of-food-you're-about-to-eat-just-fell-on-the-floor debacle.  

There's no question in my mind that I would have been fired that day if one of the owners/managers had been there.  But I'm equally as confident that they would have done the exact same thing I did had they been there--they would have served the food.  As we watched people line up to eat their meal that day I couldn't help but think...oh man, you have no idea.  And that's exactly why they had no problem eating that day. What they didn't know, didn't hurt them.  Sometimes I wonder what circumstances in my life I've been clueless to, what situations I've been in where I didn't know the full story, where someone else might be thinking oh my gosh, she has no idea... 

Anywho, this post didn't start out with the intent to have some big meaning or life lesson attached, so I'll just say this... if you were coming over for dinner and the rice had weevils in it, I would totally serve it {after I picked them out of course}.  Consider yourself warned.  


8 comments:

  1. This story is hilarious. I laughed out loud twice, and I'm at work! I also sweated a little due to the suspense.

    How do wevils know exactly where the rice is? It's like, have you ever seen one on it's own, not in rice or flour?

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  2. LOL!!! : "looked at me like I imagine Stephen Hawking might look at Paris Hilton. Like, I have never seen such impressive stupidity in my life. Is there anyone in the world who has benefited from your existence? I guarantee that's exactly what he was thinking--he was utterly speechless, but his face said it all. " oh my gosh, that killed me!!!

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  3. I would pick them out too. But I'd never tell Helaman, the pickiest eater alive.

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  4. Thank you. Thank you.

    And seriously--how do weevils get in there?

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  5. That was so funny to read! I would have done the same thing too.

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  6. Oh, too funny! I have done some stupid things in my life, also, but most of them don't involve food---oh...er...except that one time I walked around all night at a black tie affair with a cheese ball on my heel.

    But thats another story.

    I found your blog somewhere---its cool!
    Come visit me if you get the chance...

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  7. Missa--fo reals? You've never had rice with weevils in it? Now I really feel like your white trash friend...weevils are these little bugs that somehow get hatched in rice that's been sitting around a while.

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