Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Where are you? I miss you...




Beanie and I have this little game...it's a spin off of peek-a-boo really.  Basically she hides her face {if she's lacking props or time she just closes her eyes} and I say, Beanie {except I use her actual name}!  Where are you??  I miss you!  Come back!  Where are you?  And then she pops out from behind the blanket or she opens her eyes and I say Oh there you are!  I missed you.  I'm so glad you came back!  I give her a hug or a smile and we start over...and over and over.  I was the one to initiate this little game, so it came as a surprise when one day I saw Beanie hiding under the shower curtain and in her best mommy voice say Beanie?  Are you?  Miss you.  I laughed at her imitation and immediately realized what she was doing and I started to play our little game as was her desire.  She still loves to play this game and initiates it quite frequently now as she hides her face and calls out Beanie?  Are you?  Miss you...  until I pick up the cue and start calling her name.  As we were playing today I also added the new line Come back to mommy! after which she promptly ran into my arms each time I said it to receive her reassuring hug.   

This game got me thinking about the inherent desire I think we all have to be needed and wanted, and to know that when we are gone we are missed.  In some ways it surprises me how much her little heart grasps this concept and feels that desire, in other ways I think, of course...of course she knows it.  There are a lot of directions my mind goes when I think of this idea...how we all long to be loved and missed, how easy it is to give that love to some people and difficult to give to others, the desire we have to feel that sense of being missed from our Heavenly home, the sense of being lost and searching for home wherever that may be and even the small pang I feel in my heart at the thought of what it would be like if she were gone and I truly did miss her.  So many different directions I could go with this, but it all comes down to love... A basic need and desire felt at the earliest age.  And the thought that makes me the saddest is knowing there are so many people in this world who don't have someone to call their name and tell them they are missed.  I think Christmas time is a good time to try and spread that kind of love.   
  

5 comments:

  1. hows that for a good ole fashion tug-of-the-heart-strings?

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  2. Ok, really? I thought I might start my morning off 'cry-free'.

    Breathe

    Lucy and I used to play this game almost daily.I have her voice recorded on a little hand help tape recorder saying, "Mommy, Daddy....whe ah you?"

    I'm sorry...I didn't think I would to this (not that you are in front of me watching me sob). Your post just hit home. Even though I'm *pretty sure* (oh, how you question everything when something like this happens!) I know WHERE my lucy is and part of what she is doing, my heart still says everyday, "Lucy...where are you? Come back to mommy."

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  3. sorry, that was me, Molly

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  4. Reagan--yeah totally. And thanks for being my lone commenter as of late. :)

    Molly--I totally thought of you while writing this post. And it's OK I'm crying too...my heart would do the same thing. I really hate that your trial is one where no one can say anything to make it better, there are no concrete answers and the final remedy lies beyond the grave . Yes prayer--done. Yes faith--I'm sure you're trying and succeeding ...but you just have to deal day after day. God bless you Molly. The death of children is the most unbearable concept. I continue to pray for you.

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