Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Good Mom Bad Mom

I want to talk about something...and since I have a blog, you guessed it. I'm going to blog about it. You're so smart. So there's a lot of talk out there about good moms and bad moms. There is, you say? If you don't hear such talk, chances are you're not a mom, so read at your own discretion. As I was saying I'll hear moms say to each other, "You're a good mom because you_____" or "I'm a bad mom because_____". Or they'll even ask the question "Am I a bad mom if I do _____?" If you'll notice, the "good mom" comments are usually to someone else, while the "bad mom" comments are about themselves. Therefore the natural conclusion is that many women tend to see themselves as lacking (bad mom) and other moms as being super duper (good moms). I would really like to get rid of these terms, at least among the moms I know (including you internet moms). As I see it, the only truly BAD moms don't care about their kids at all. I read about some of these moms on the news--neglect, abuse, and drugs are usually involved and the consequences are dire--we're not just talking about missed naps and cranky kids. And even then, I can't say that all those moms are BAD...I'm sure some are just repeating the cycles of their childhood. So, my point is this crack users and child abusers aside, you're a good mom. If you are trying--in any way shape or form--then I consider you a good mom. Maybe you don't do the things some of your other mom friends do and for this you feel a tinge of guilt. Maybe you lose your cool every now and then and maybe you plop the kiddies in front of the TV 'cause you need a break...you're a good mom. Make improvements when necessary--I'm sure there's always something to work on--but please, let's refrain from one more label that only makes us feel less than what we are. That was less eloquent than I originally imagined. The end.

4 comments:

  1. Aww..Miggy, was that for me? Did you read my latest post which inspired you? Just kidding, I don't call myself a bad mom. Although it is interesting how your view of yourself as a mother changes when you can't control your child's behavior. In the end, I completely agree. Go good moms.

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  2. You know when I wrote this I thought "I know at least 5 people are going to think this was provoked by something they said recently..." So it wasn't you specifically. I just feel like I hear it a lot. And of course, I know most moms saying this don't actually think they're a "bad" mom...but there's something about the vernacular I just don't like. I mean I've totally said it myself, about myself of course...I think it's more of a way to say we felt bad about something we did or didn't do--or definitely in your case about how our kids behave despite our best attempts. I'm seriously really getting scared for those years...with kids you only have one honeymoon period--because even with the next baby, you're still disciplining your first.

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  3. i'm a good mom :) and you are right. i hear it all the time. "my kids didn't take a bath today - I'm a bad mom" "my kids eat cookies and ice cream for breakfast - I'm a bad mom".

    ??????? We all have things like that.

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